Monday, July 11, 2005
Do you ever have the feeling that someone is try to mess with your head? Worse still, have you ever worried that the one messing with you is your own mind?
Well, I have.
Over the last week I've been forcing myself to spend more time in the pool and reading novels in the break room. As a result, I've been spending more time by myself and less time watching TV with my sister, hanging out with my friend Ken, and talking with Internet friends on EN World and by e-mail. Now, that is fine in of itself, as one needs to do more than just BE, and this is why I am toying with the idea of doing some volunteering.
However, the world, once again, is showing me its more wicked underside. Or, at least, its more twisted, freaky, mass-media, pop-cultured underside. People in this world are incredibly strange to me, but the behavior of some is even more alien. Of course, I'm guilty of the same thing sometimes, but, at least, I know the difference between reality and fantasy.
Some are not as well restrained.
Now, I'm not going to go into specifics, as that would cause me more trouble than it its worth. I'll just say that there are some things that go "Bump" in the night, and in the strangest places.
Maybe I'm just too much of an introvert externally and vice versa internally, if such a thing can be said to be true. I'm very open-minded about the world around me, but I tend to be very reserved in my own life. It's strange. Perhaps my fear of the unknown is too high, or perhaps I simply never came 100% out of my shell after High School.
While fear is never good by itself, it can save you from danger when combined with the right elements. Fight or flight behavior can save you from more than death. It can keep you from making an ass of yourself. However, too much fear leads to paranoia, which I have in spades right now. Something in my mind keeps telling me that someone is trying to make me the goat of some sort of cruel joke, or worse. Yet, the logical part of my mind keeps telling me it is the depression and that I'm imagining things.
It wouldn't be the first time that something I perceived turned out to be an illusion.
Regardless, something, someone, or some inner force is messing with my mind. And it is really starting to piss me off!